Show Up

One of my biggest fears in life was not that my dreams would go unfulfilled, but that I would allow myself to let life go by without fully pursuing them.  I could accept that I may not achieve every goal that I set, but I was determined to make sure that I showed up for my own dreams – and that I showed up prepared. 

As women, mothers, wives, employees or business owners, we often find ourselves caught up in the busy tasks of daily life.  We often prioritize the needs of others thinking, “I’ll get to it when I have time” with regard to our own goals.  And weeks, months and years go by. 

When I was married and young, I allowed the marginalization of my writing by my husband (who is no longer my husband) to quell my confidence and desire to write.  I allowed someone else to alter my path.  I think many of us do this, especially when we are young and stupid.  As we began to have children, I prioritized them, while trying to manage a marriage that was changing who I was.  I began to feel like someone I didn’t know and I lost the path to my dreams.

Once my marriage ended, I took time to heal.  It took a long time as my youngest son developed epilepsy and there were times when having the boys clean and fed and healthy were the only goals on my list.  I lived for quite a while in survival mode. 

As I evaluated my life and my marriage, I became fearful of continuing to let so much time go by thinking that I would eventually find time to pursue my dreams.  What if I never took the time and life just passed me by?

I began to blog.  I started with one about my kids, and then another about my struggles.  As I began to online date, my friends told me my dating stories were so crazy that I had to write them down.  So I did.  I became very intentional about writing consistently.  I rediscovered my dream of getting published.  I started marketing with social media and talking about it to anyone who would listen.  I eventually began blogging for Huffington Post. 

I discovered I had learned a lot in my life through my experiences and I had a lot to say.  I began writing about divorce, blended families, parenting and divorced dads.  I began asking my professional friends about writing for their business’s websites.  I began doing freelance commercial writing and actually had good clients who liked my work.  I put my dating blog into book form and began to pursue a publisher.    

I also began volunteering…a lot.  I wrote a script for a local pageant. I joined a political campaign as a writer.  I managed a website for my son’s lacrosse team.  Sometimes I didn’t know which way was up!  My mind was spinning with so many things I wanted to write about.  So many times I wondered if I needed to stop and form a more linear plan.  Should I focus on only one thing at a time?  Was any of this going to benefit my dream of getting published?  Whenever I began to wonder these things, I decided to just keep my head down and keep on going. 

I said “yes” to any opportunity, and many of them didn’t pay.  When I was asked to write the script for a local pageant, I debated doing it.  I didn’t have a child participating, but it was with a business associate and I wanted to develop that relationship outside of work.  It turned out that my business associate and her family really believed in investing in the young women in our community through this pageant, and I became invested in the program.  Little did I know that when I wrote the bio for the man who judged the participants’ essays, he would ask me about my writing.  And he would have a publishing company.  And a week later, he would offer to publish my book.  And two months later, he would agree to work with my sister and me on our children’s book. 

My book, Sweeten the Deal: How to Spot and Avoid the Big Red Flags in Online dating was released April 1, 2015.   It’s a humorous chronical of my crazy dating stories that interjects lessons I learned and advice for dating.  Who knows how commercially successful it will be, but it fulfills one of my dreams.  I have a book with my name on it. 

Had I not prioritized my own dreams, been intentional about consistently working toward those dreams and been prepared when the opportunity was presented, I may not have been able to hand my book over to my publisher on the spot when he asked for it.  I have learned that by showing up, being prepared and not being afraid to talk about your goals to people who can help you, things can happen that you hope for, but don’t expect.  I learned that when you put yourself on the priority list, when you show up for your own dreams, your dreams can come true. 

Please visit my website www.sweetenthedeal.com for more information about my book.